Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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