it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
