I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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