I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
