It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
