Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
