You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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