i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
