oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
