Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
