I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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