How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need to calm my uterus...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
