Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
