Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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