Your mouth is God's brothel.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
