Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Are we still banned from the library?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
