Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
