Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
