I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
