He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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