ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
