I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
