Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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