I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
