Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize