So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
