and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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