I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
