How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I sprained my soul last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
