Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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