Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
