I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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