i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
no, he came in my armpit
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
