I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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