On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
