peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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