I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i love accidental penises.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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