i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
