I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize