Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
