You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
