There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
