I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
