I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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