Are we in a gay sports bar?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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