my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
