I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
