theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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