He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
