The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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