Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
