We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
