I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
