We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
