uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
