apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
