Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
