How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
