you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
