drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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