Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
