Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
