M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
