saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
