his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
