There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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