you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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