Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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