i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
