Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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