Apparently you make a good broom.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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